Been a long time...

You know, a lot can happen when you don't post anything for six months... Not too long after my last post, I met Jimmy... and now I'm married to Jimmy! It's amazing how your life can completely turn 180 in such a short amount of time... He is truly the most amazing, sweetest, funniest man I've ever met, such a change of pace considering my first marriage and the total clusterfuck that it turned out to be. Things now are better than ever. I wish so much that I had met Jimmy years ago, it would have saved both of us a lot of heartache.

(oh and not only do i have a new husband, i have two stepsons. Skyler is 11 and Max is 6... they are adorable! The thought of being a stepmom kinda threw me at first, but the boys are really great, and I'm looking forward to getting to know them better and being a part of their lives.)

Life is a crazy bitch sometimes... just when you think it's time to give up, something great comes along and you find yourself surprisingly happy! I mean, who would have guessed that in a years time, i would have divorced the fucktard that I was with, suffered through some really disastrous dates, met some guy who lives on the opposite corner of the state, fallen in love, gotten married, and now we're getting ready to move into his house in south MO... things couldn't be better!

blah

Well, i've come to the conclusion that for the most part, men are douche bags. There are a few exceptions, such as D, but generally, they all can fuck off. I was really enjoying spending time with K, when we actually could make time to spend together... but that just blew up completely for some reason. So, in moving on, I've been spending a lot of time with B, only to have my texts avoided tonight, when we had plans. Then there's T, who's really sweet, but totally not for me... no spark, no chemistry. Which is too bad, because he's a nice guy.
LOL I guess I'm going to have to go through the entire alphabet before I find the right guy! well, it'll be an adventure...

life's full of surprises

Just when you think nothing can ever go right, or life's just out to fuck you over... something happens that changes your mind. It may not be a huge thing that changes the course of your future, but even the little things that make you smile... as long as it makes you stop and realize that life's not so bad.
We make plans and spend so much time focusing on what we think we want or what we think is supposed to happen... then when it doesn't work out they way we want, our life is over... Why do we do that to ourselves? I'm just as guilty of it, even lately. My plans that I thought I had all worked out, suddenly seem to be falling apart, and at first I was upset, hurt and disappointed. Then tonight... BAM! Something new just sort of fell into my lap (so to speak) and now, who knows what's ahead for me. But I have finally learned what it means to go with the flow. I'm not going to plan my life out ten years at a time, I'm not going to assume something then get disappointed when it doesn't happen. I'm just going to take life one day at a time and see where it takes me. Live life to the fullest, throw caution to the wind, and any other relevant cliche I can think of...
I bet the Goddess is looking down and me and laughing "I told you so..."

Insert catchy title here

I can't really think of anything interesting to put as a title, so make up your own...

Worked thoroughly sucked today... and that was just the meeting. I've still got to go back for 8 more hours! Ah well... it's money. Not enough, but it's money. At least there are a few people there who I get along with, which makes the job tolerable for now.

I'm starting to get a bigger following on my novel on DeviantArt. That makes me happy! I'm really working hard on this one, i want it to really go somewhere. If I'm able to get published, it would be a dream come true!

I'm at a very weird place in my life. One major disaster is about to end... I'm starting to get things back on track and my life pulled together. But I have no idea where I'm going to end up. I have one option that I like the sound of, but don't really know if it will go anywhere... I would like it to, but I have to be sure that it's not the same kind of situation that I just got out of. My other option is nice too... but it's kind of my second choice. Not that I couldn't have fun, I just had something else in mind. All i know at this point is that I want to be happy. And I don't know which option will make that happen.

Any suggestions?

Needing inspiration

I've been wanting to pick up my sketchbook again, but I'm lacking motivation. I know what I want to draw, but when I pick up the pencil, I just can't do it. So i have several projects that I'm working on at the moment, and nothing seems to be getting done.

I have, however, been doing laundry, during a Star Wars marathon, so that is productive I suppose. And I've gotten some cleaning done, so I don't really feel too lazy, just when it comes to art. I know that I need to work on my novel, as well, but there again, i've hit a brick wall. I know how the next chapter is going to go, but getting to there from where I stopped is the problem...

Oh well... I'm going back to Star Wars... a girl can never go wrong with a Jedi :)

Sarah Smile

yes, i'm listening to Hall and Oates... it's my song, ok? don't judge me!

i realized that I havent' posted anything in a while, and I didn't want to make a habit of it. So i'm posting. I'm not really sure what I'm posting about, nothing really comes to mind, but i wanted to write something so that it wasn't months between posts.

work is... work. nothing really has changed, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. i still don't get paid enough for the amount of stress this job dishes out, but i suppose that pretty typical. I do enjoy working with most of the people there, so that's a nice perk. I just wish the entire office was somewhere else... some where not so midwest. I'm definitely not a down home country girl, and the whole country lifestyle is starting to wear on my nerves. I felt more at home on the east coast, and i can't wait to get back there, hopefully next year.

my life at this point is the exciting routine of work, sleep, email, work, sleep, email... I don't really have a life outside of that, but for now that's ok. It gives me a chance to save money for moving eventually, and buying a car, which i desperately need. On the rare occasion that i do want to go somewhere, asking to borrow my parents car makes me feel like i'm in highschool again. no, actually, i had my own car in highschool, so it's even more of a step down. ah well, I guess i shouldn't complain, things could be worse.

i did manage to get out a few weeks ago and take in a fantastic concert. I saw Steel Panther live at the Voodoo Lounge in Kansas City. It was by far one of the best shows I've ever been to! If they make it back to KC before I move, i'm definitely going to be there, front row! Nothing beats being within crotch-grabbing distance of Michael Starr! LOL

Well, I can't think of anything else to write at the moment. My life isn't that exciting to have new news all the time, so my posts may start to get redundant... oh well... such is my life!

Kids and Colds

I've come to an important conclusion. At this point in my life, I don't want kids for a long time! After spending three days with S and D's kids (two beautiful girls who I adore) who were either sick or teething and constantly screaming and blowing snot everywhere... I just don't think I'm at the point where I want children... not for a long time, anyway. The past three days was the best reason ever for getting back on birth control! LOL! Not that I wasn't going to anyway... Not going to take any chances with surprise babies! I do love kids, and someday, I'm sure that I'll be ready to have a baby... but there are a lot of other things that I want to do now, and kids would just make that difficult. I've got plenty of time to be a mom...

Then to top off those noisy, scream-filled days off, I come home with a 102 degree fever and have to miss a night of work because I can't see straight. My fever was so high that my whole body hurt like I'd been run over by a semi... I still feel like shite right now, but I'm doing better. At least I feel good enough to go to work tonight... I can't afford to be sick!

I'm really hoping that I feel better by next Wednesday. I'm going to try to go to 98.9 the Rock's Harley key giveaway at the Voodoo Lounge, and watch Steel Panther live!!! It should be a hell of a show, and it's free! Wish that there was someone to go with, though... I hate doing stuff like that alone. Oh well... one more year...

country life...

...is sucktacular!! (thanks, love, for that perfect word!) I never realized just how much I hate living in the country. I got spoiled by having my apartment in KC, then living in North Carolina for a while, I had forgotten how living in the middle of nowhere was so perfectly annoying! Not only is there nothing to do, but the majority of people are so... frustrating. There are exceptions, I do have friends here. But the petty bullshit and the mindset of a lot of people just drives me up the wall! If you weren't born and raised here, or you act different than everyone else, you get treated differently. It's stupid and honestly reminds me a lot of high school... I cannot wait to get out of here and live in a place where I can be myself and I'm able to relate to people again. It's been way too long since I've been able to do that. Granted, as I said, there are exceptions. But overall, I just don't feel comfortable here anymore. This isn't my home... I'm not sure where my home is. I'm going to try a new place and see how that goes, but I don't know where I'll end up putting down roots. Where ever I'm comfortable and happy...

I havent' been home from work very long, and my days off did not allow much sleep... so I'm off to bed!

May the Force be with me

Yeah... that's an inside joke... only a few people would get it... i just couldn't think of a better title given the thoughts that are floating around in my head right now.

I spent another two fun filled days with Sylvie and Danny. I love going to their place on my days off... we always have such a good time. Of course, spending time there makes me want to take a trip to Florida even more. The longer I wait, though, the better I know it will be. There's something to be said for anticipation... when it has time to build until it's ready to explode (no pun intended). Yes, October is going to be oh so much fun! The problem with waiting is... the waiting part! Of course, somehow I know that it will be worth it, I just want October to get here soon.

I've been trying to practice my guitar more. Once I get moved to Florida permanently, I'll be able to get one on one lessons, which will help a lot. Maybe I'll finally get some lessons on darkroom developing, too! And I KNOW that will be fun!

This journal got completely off track... guess I know where my mind is today... hmmm, oh well, I'm enjoying myself too much to worry about thinking of something else!

ghostly encounters

I have finally met the office ghost! The other night, I was working alone and noticed that the mouse pointer on the computer screen was moving. Not just wiggling, but moving. Then I looked down, and the mouse itself was moving. I reached out to touch it, and I felt something brush against my arm! It was so cool! I wish that I'd had my voice recorder or my camera there that night, maybe I could have gotten a pic or an EVP. (yeah, I watch way too much Ghost Hunters!)

My book is moving along nicely. Chapter 6 is done, and 7 is halfway there. I'm really excited about this one, hopefully I'll get it finished soon and see what can be done about getting it published!

I'm going to spend a day or two at my cousin's house. I usually do that on my days off work, it's my place to just relax and have a good time. But I won't be able to post anything in here until I get back home. (not that anyone's reading this anyway, but I like to pretend. let me have my delusions, ok?)

sheer exhaustion

I worked my normal shift until 8am t his morning, but instead of going home and going to bed, I had to stay for a meeting. Now, the meeting didn't start until 10:30, but I knew that if I went home to get breakfast, I would be entirely too tempted to lay down and fall asleep. So I opted for breakfast to go, and staying at the office for an extra two hours... Then the "30 minute" meeting lasted for an hour and a half. So it was 12:30 by the time I got home. Which of course means that I slept until almost nine o'clock, waking up just in time to get ready for work all over again. The entire day was ruined! Thank goddess I have two days off after tonight! I'll need them to recover...

Being shorthanded at work soon is going to put a damper on my hopes of taking time to go to Wolvenwold at some point this summer. The Beltaine celebration is in two weeks, so I know I can't go to that one. And the June gathering the same weekend as the Civil War thing in Kingston, which is when they said "no days off for anyone!" Apparently they think there's going to be a huge need for dispatchers that weekend. So there goes June. The only other gathering this year that I know of is in october. Which, of course, is when I was going to try and take my personal days to go see Duane. (Florida in October is supposed to be really nice!) And I doubt that I can get two sets of personal days in the same month... I guess I'll just have to see how things go. As it stands right now, a trip to FL definitely outweighs a trip to south MO to Wolvenwold, as much fun as that would be. Florida is more important :) and will be fun, too!

well, time to get ready for work... again...

Space Truckin'

Don't mind the title... I've been listening to a lot of Deep Purple today!

Have you even been in that place of being in love with someone, but you're not sure you should, for whatever reason... maybe situation or timing... But no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that it's not a good idea to fall head over heels, you're heart doesn't seem to listen and before you know it, you're already there. It's that strange mix of being frustrated and excited all at the same time. You get the fun butterflies in your stomach along with the knots because what if they don't feel the same? Love is awkward and tedious, and people need to figure out a way to fix that! It really aggravates me when people have this ideal image of love in their minds, as if it once you acheive it, nothing can hurt you. I have learned the hard way that love isn't perfect, love doesn't last forever, and love has nothing to do with marriage! Marriage is over rated and pointless. What good does a piece of paper do to keep someone for cheating or being abusive? Then to leave that person, you have to go through all kinds of red tape and expensive paperwork. That fancy piece of paper doesn't mean that a person will be faithful to you, it doesn't symbolize commitment! To me, it would mean more for a person to make a commitment to be faithful and to NOT have the legal obligation, but to stick with it because they want to. That would be a true show of love. As far as I'm concerned, at least at this point in my life, I simply want someone who cares about me, will be faithful, and won't fuck things up by lying! Unfortunately, that's not so easy to find! I'm starting to think I might have, but I'm holding my cards close to me on this one for now... we'll see what the future brings.

on to another subject... I'm working alone tonight, which will be interesting now that they've taken away our internet for the next three months. I don't know how I'm going to keep myself awake tonight...

My novel is starting to really pick up! I've almost finished chapter six, and even though I chose not to outline this one, I'm starting to get the end of the story in my mind. Working without an outline was a scary prospect, but it seems to be the first time that I've been able to just keep writing and not give up! Letting the story carry me away and allowing the plot to unfold however it wants is really working for me. Maybe this will be the novel that gets published!

Well, I'm off to scavenge for food...

First post

I've never really used a blog before... Guess I'm more old fashioned. I always used a real paper journal! But with everything moving to computers, I figured that I might as well keep up with the times and move to a blog.

I'm going to get the divorce papers paid for and hopefully filed soon. Brian seems to be handling things pretty well, I just hope it stays that way. After everything we went through, I just want this to go easy and be settled soon.

Work is... work. Things are changing again, and it's only my third month on the job. Office politics can really ruin the atmosphere in the work place, and I'm really sick of it. Why is it so hard to find a job that pays decently, treats its employees fairly, and is enjoyable? That shouldn't be so difficult! The closest I came to that was Connextions, although I enjoyed that because of the people I worked with, one in particular.

Oh well... life if pretty good at the moment. Things can always get better, but for now, they're not too bad!